Scary, Scary Stuff...

   

   Howdy everybody! Hope everyone is doing great and enjoying their summer. It's been absolutely fabulous running weather here in upstate NY.  Compared to last summer's sweltering heat and oppressive humidity, this summer has seen cooler temperatures and slightly lower humidity levels. 

   After struggling for the last couple of months with my peroneal tendon injury, it was really awesome to hit triple digits again for my total miles run for the month of July. I had to scrap running the Rochester, NY marathon mid September. Which was really a bummer because I've run it for the past seven consecutive years. But, sometimes change is a good thing. I'm now registered to run the Empire State Marathon in Syracuse, NY mid October. I've never run this race before and am excited as hell to get my feet wet on the course. Bringing the whole family overnight and we're going to treat it like a mini vacation. Can't wait!

   My training isn't going as well as I would've hoped. After having lower left back pain for two years I resigned myself that it was going to be there for the rest of my life. But, after a suggestion from a fellow runner I checked out a local Chiropractor who's also happens to be a triathlete. He specializes in trigger point therapy. I've heard so many negative things about this field that I wrote them off as quacks. Apparently all those negative comments were made by people who didn't have a freaking clue about what it involves. With three visits and $60 later my lower back pain is completely gone! I'm amazed  that I waited this long to give it a try. My wife has even started seeing him! The dude's awesome! 

   So, the lower back pain is gone. But, now I've managed to severely strain my right hamstring somehow. No matter what I do, how I stretch, I can't get it to relax. It's made speed work and running in general painful and tight. I'm hoping that he can get it to release at next week's appointment. If not, then Empire is going to be long, tight and painful. Even not accounting for the strain, my speed just isn't what it was last year. A sub four hour marathon most likely isn't going to happen. I'm ok with that though. I'll be happy to just run a marathon and complete the 366 Project in one piece. I'm happy with the type of runner that I am today. There's always next year to shoot for Boston!

   After working for the sheriff's department for over 13 years I've finally gotten up the courage to try out for a PT (physical training) instructor position. I've held back all this time for stupid reasons. The department always gives the agility test this time of year when I'm typically deep into my marathon training. I just didn't want to sacrifice my race training. No super serious training this year! So, no excuses! I'm known far and wide through the department as the running guy and I'm afraid of not living up to that expectation. On August 29th I'll be turning the big 40. So, hoping that they'll hold the test after that I'll have to complete 26 push-ups in a minute, 36 sit-ups in a minute and run a mile and a half in 11:58 for my age group. Two weeks ago I did a mock test and passed easily. With a little rest and luck come test day I can smash it.It's time I used my love of running to help me professionally! Screw everyone's expectation. I'll still be the running guy regardless if I fail. Everyone keep your fingers crossed! 

   The visit with my primary doctor for my nagging bronchitis and cough went alright. He prescribed a stronger oral steroid in addition to a steroid inhaler. The oral steroid screwed me up for a week. But, I finished the dose. The steroid inhaler made me loose my voice. So, I stopped using it. I need my voice! The cough is improving. But, really slowly. My doctor thinks that I've suddenly contracted asthma and sleep apnea. Nothing's changed recently with my environment and I'm not obese. So, I'm doubtful about either diagnosis. But, we're still exploring things. 

   So, as some of you've noticed, they're haven't been many blog posts lately. I alluded to this in my last video podcast. And, even typing tonight's blog I'm avoiding it too by jabbering on about all of the above stuff. I'm a weird guy. I'm a private person. But, through my blog, podcast and other social media I've come to love writing, videoing and speaking about me, my life and my love of running. I thought long about whether or not to talk about what's going on now. My family, friends and co-workers read and watch what I put out there. But, I think that I owe it to the very small group of you interested in my life. Why on Earth does anyone other than my dog read these? I'll never know. I think that my life's so boring. There I go again avoiding the topic...

   First and foremost I'd like to personally thank the friends who I've confided in about this as well as all of you who I've never had the pleasure of yet meeting but are following the recent absence who've reached out to see if I'm ok. All of you know who you are. To think that any of you would give a damn about me enough to support me as you have makes me just shake my head in awe. I'm honored by your thoughts, prayers and comments. 

   As I've said before, my father's death from lung and brain cancer when I was a teenager devastated me and changed my life forever. For the last 24 years I've devoted myself to being as healthy as I can be. I don't smoke or do drugs. I enjoy a cold beer sometimes and sip wine in front of my fireplace on occasion. But, have avoided the alcoholism of my father's generation. I run and cross-train like it's my second job. I've got my issues with food from being obese as a child. But, I mastered that beast many years ago and typically eat healthy. I'm not perfect. But, I don't think that I could live too much better than I do now. 

   So, you could imagine my shock when my doctor's ordered chest x-ray revealed that I have a 9mm node or spot on one of my lungs. Out of the many things I've thought I would maybe hear in my lifetime, that news was not one on the list. In fact, it's one of my worst fears. 24 years ago I vowed to not leave my family, future wife and children alone at 45 years old as my father did to my family and me. The irony of getting these results three weeks before my 40th birthday is not lost on me. 

   So, what's next? After talking for a long time with my doctor, he assured me that cancer wasn't the first thing that came to his mind when he saw these results. He told me that it's most likely a past infection. Apparently when the lungs fight an infection they sometimes wall off the infected cells to suffocate them and kill them. He thinks that this node is just that. But, he wants me to go for a CT scan to further examine the area. With my father's history and the fact that I grew up with two parents who smoked, hence second hand smoke, he wants to be over cautious. If you smoke around your family, stop please. With the node's size it's about 74% non-cancerous. Good odds, but not the kind I'd like to bet my life on. 

   The past two weeks have been, as you can imagine, stressful. My doctor is currently still in the process of clearing the CT scan through my insurance and getting it scheduled. I hate fucking waiting. Some days I'm good. Some days are bad. I'm doing what I do when I'm stressed, a million things all day long until I collapse into bed trying to leave the least amount of time free to worry. But, no matter how much I try to avoid it, it's still there in the back of my head. Nothing like life slapping you in the face on some random Tuesday to make you analyze your life's work.

   Funny how you look at things a little differently when faced with scary stuff. Sunrises are a little more beautiful, the colors a little more vibrant, you relish longer hugs with your spouse and you burn into your memory how your children's head smells as you kiss them goodnight. I've always been somebody who's struggled with slowing down and enjoying the good things in life. Probably not anymore. So many good things every day if you just see them with your already open eyes. 

   This blog about this 366 day Project is many things. It's meant to be an inspiration to those who are lost, who think that they can never do the things that they want to do. It's a way for me to connect with my fellow runners in a way that only we can understand. Our running hopes, dreams and fears. It's a way for me to look back and read about the hard runs and remember the good ones too. It's a tool to help me become a better writer, podcaster and runner. It's a way for me to meet new and interesting people. 

   I've had a lot of time to ponder the meaning of a lot of things in my life. The best thing about this blog, the main reason I started it in the first place, is to leave something for my son. My dad left at a time in my life when I had so many questions, needed advice and was searching for the man that I am today. Even today I wish I could just have a single hour with him longer. I would talk his damn ears off! What I would give for that hour. I'm jumping the gun a little bit, but a big secret about the Project is that come New Year's Day 2014 the running may stop, but you have my word that the story will not. The blog, the podcast will continue. I'm going to have to name it something else though, 366 Project + 1, Running With Mark, Mark Doesn't Shut Up. Going to have to work on that! 

  

  Ryan, you are my past, my present, my future, always my greatest creation. Know this, during your life you'll have great runs, bad runs, you'll run into trouble, out of it too, sometimes you'll know the road, sometimes you'll get lost, sometimes it'll be better to stay on the path, sometimes it'll be even better to stray for a while, sometimes you'll have long runs, sometimes you'll just have quick jaunts, sometimes people will try to dictate where you run, but only run the way that you want to, when the runs are hard, be easy on yourself, when they come easily, enjoy every second, try new routes, but cherish the old ones, listen to the older runners, they'll give you good advice that you won't learn until you're old and it's too late, listen to the advice of the younger runners and bathe in their eagerness, their energy, their enthusiasm, sometimes you'll run with friends, sometimes you'll run alone, most of all though, when the wind, rain and snow are pounding against you, when lightning is coming down on either side, when all you see are hills, and more hills in the distance, when you're exhausted, empty, can't run another step, put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Not all races are won with speed son. Just like that cold April morning when I took you for your first run at 6 weeks old in that old running stroller, I will always be your running partner. 

   It's been a long day my friends. I'm exhausted. This was a tough one to put into words. The future may get a little tougher still. Hopefully the CT scan will be scheduled soon and I'll know more. Regardless, I'm not fucking done with my race until I say I'm done. They'll be no DNF (Did Not Finish) here! The marathon is called a race. But, it's far from one. It's a war with yourself, to see how much punishment you can take. I've run 10 of them. I know punishment and I am not afraid. Bring it...

   Thank you for taking some of your precious time to read my blogs, watch my videos. It's an honor to write, tape and run for you. Run for your lives my friends...