The Next 40 Years...

   Well, well, well... Looks like it's going to be the end of an era! My birthday's tomorrow and as much as I try to deny it, the big clock is going to flip to that big 40! Geeish! I can still remember thinking as little boy how old 40 seemed. Apparently, it's not as old as I once thought. Funny, how inside I still feel so young. But, when I stare into that mirror in the morning I can't help but notice the wrinkles around my eyes, the salt and pepper of my hair and the shadows under my eyes. 

   It's been an interesting life. Looking back, I don't really think that I would change too much. Growing up in a broken family with divorced parents netted me a lot of one-on-one time with my mom and dad. Not to mention, all the great times experiencing twice the fun at every holiday! Besides, without that arrangement I would've never gotten to know my grandparents as well as I did. Good people!

   I started out as a thin kid. But, after my mom left my dad, we moved in for a time with my grandparents. Grandma loved noting more than to cook for her grandson. I learned to love food and love to eat. I quickly went from thin to obese. Nothing teaches you humility as a child like being constantly made fun of and picked on. Typically kids were cruel beyond belief. But, every now and then someone who show their true colors and act like a human being. Being picked on made me strong. But, it also made me appreciate the friends in my life who didn't care what I looked like. They were my friends, because they liked me for who I was. 

   Life went on. Grade school neared it's end and I prepared for high school. My life turned upside down as we learned that my father was diagnosed with lung and brain cancer. In a short nine months my life changed forever. Nothing sealed my introversion better than this event. I closed myself down and waded through my father's death. Looking back, I'm amazed that I got through it without successfully killing myself, avoiding drug addiction and even managed to graduate on time with a high school diploma. My father's quiet, determined struggle through his battle taught me that nothing comes easy, that only through hard work can you achieve success. I got a part-time job and worked hard to prove that I was worth every small penny they paid me. 

   My mother, god bless her soul, had enough common sense to invest my inheritance.  Even though I didn't have my father by my side, he provided for me. I was able to pull myself out of depression. Attend a community then state college. I went to school and worked full-time at my once part-time job. Good things come to those who work hard. The company just couldn't let me go. His death motivated me to begin a quest to follow in the family business of public service through law enforcement. I had health insurance, good clothes and reliable, new cars to get me from point A to B. He gave me an advantage that few people my age had. 

   I left home to begin a career as a police officer in another state far away. I learned quickly that home was where my heart was. Without my family and friends around me, I was nothing. I resigned my position and questioned everything in my life. Strange how what seemed like such a huge failure at one time, now is just a memory of a life that wasn't ever going to be me. 

   I came back home. Went back to work with the old part/full-time job with the familiar faces and soaked up the support of those who mattered most to me. Worked a brief stint in the commercial legal field as a paralegal. But, the call of the family business was too strong. I went back to school part-time. I realized the value of education. I got through the courses one slow class at a time. I even managed to graduate with a 3.9 GPA, earning my spot in the National Criminal Justice Honor Society. I met my future wife. 

   The next few years happened quickly. After taking every civil service exam I could get my hands on, I got the call from the sheriff's office. It was a call that I didn't expect. I wanted to work on the road patrol, not inside the jail. But, as time went on the girlfriend became my wife, I learned to do my job well and before I knew it, the little man was born. Surprisingly  working inside wasn't all that bad after all. As I struggled to find the father that I wanted to become, I was attacked one night at work and almost lost my life. Over the course of two and a half weeks I again contemplated leaving the world of law enforcement. But, I'm like a Timex, I just keep on tickin! I went back to work. I joined the SRT team, our SWAT team. I was never going to underestimate anyone ever again. I got the prestigious FTO, field training officer certification and learned that I enjoyed teaching more than anything I'd ever done for the office. 

   My son got older. I began to seriously get into long-distance running. Running far, running a lot and running marathons became who I was, what I was. The great idea of going back to the 3-11 PM shift to save money on baby sitting became the wedge between my wife and me. We eventually prepared for divorce. But, we were adamant that it wasn't going to be an ugly affair. Nothing good comes from something like that, and our son was the one perfect thing that we made. We weren't going to damage him because of our differences. I was awestruck. It hit me hard. We sold our first home, went our separate ways and I thought about the future.  But, we somehow managed to get back together. We moved in together in an apartment with my sister-in-law. A truly beautiful, intelligent and sweet girl. But, I just couldn't live with her. I struggled through a bout of alcoholism. I got skin cancer from being a dumb ass and running without a shirt or sunscreen for too long. I got it hacked out. Life felt like it was in limbo. 

   My poor sister-in-law was done with my nonsense and anyways, she wanted to start a life of her own. So, we moved again and bought our second home. Much smaller, much more affordable and way easier to take care of. Things began to move forward. Look better. Then, my wife was fired from her job. The clinic that she worked for was run by truly evil people. This all happened two weeks before our house closing and the holidays. The next four months were pretty much hell. I worked a lot of OT just to survive. Lots of stress. 

   Then finally, my wife landed the job of her dreams working for the federal government. Things started to improve. We began to catch up on all the credit that we lived on for so long. We still are and will be for a long while. But, hey it's only money, and there's more to life than just that. Sometimes stress can be a good fuel. I threw myself into my training. I became a machine. I became something that I thought I never could. I lost 25 pounds and was fast as hell. After 11 years I broke the four hour mark in the marathon. I was terrified that I could do something so powerful, amazed that my willpower could be harnessed to that extreme and basked in the glory of a much sought after personal goal. 

   The new year brought a new challenge, the 366 Project. Crazy idea I know. But, it's taught me many valuable things. I got my peroneal tendon injury and doubted that it was something that I could finish. But, I carried on. Got through the injury. Only to be sidelined by a debilitating cough. A chest x-ray revealed a node on my lung. Cancer reared it's ugly head and I stared blankly back. 

   Yesterday, I finally met with my doctor and the news was good. Apparently the scheduling problems with the follow up CT scan was due to a worthless 22 year old secretary who didn't care that I was at home pondering my very possibly short life. She no longer works at my doctors office thank God! I finally have clearance and can now schedule the CT scan. Get some concrete answers. 

   I'm on vacation this week. My wife threw me an amazing surprise birthday party. I'm not planning on going anywhere. Just catching up on some home improvement stuff. Found out that I'm going to be given my chance at PT, physical fitness, instructor school. Just gotta pass a physical test. The Rochester Marathon was scrapped and now I'm looking forward to finishing the Empire State Marathon. It's not going to be a sub four hour triumph and may be painful. But, it'll be my marathon.

   Saw the chiropractor today about the nagging hamstring strain. Apparently it's quite serious and he's advised me to start taking anti-inflammatories, ice it like crazy and take a few days off. I'm probably not going to do that last part. Not giving up just yet. 

   We got a new puppy! Our 13 year old beagle won't be around for much longer and when we saw this big guy we fell in love. My wife's friend works with kennels around the country to help them find homes for pets. Walter was in kennel in Georgia. He's part black lab and pointer. About one years old and full of more energy than he knows what to do with. Really sad that his former owners used him as bait to train their fighting dogs. We're going to do our best to make sure he gets the kind of life her deserves. Took him out for a two mile trail run today to test his legs. Damn, he made it look easy while I sweated my ass off! He did just awesome but I tired him out after just over a mile. He came home and about collapsed on the sofa. But, only for about an hour. Then it was right back to hyper spaz mode! 

   My life hasn't been perfect. But, as I look to the future, the next forty years, I would like to think that they'll be even better. One more day closer to finishing the 366 Project, one more age group closer to a Boston qualifying time and one more year to enjoy what life has to offer! 

   Thanks for spending the last day of my thirties with me my friends! 

Run for your lives...