13.1 Miles For Jacob...

   Well, my friends it's been a while since I've posted here. This week has been an emotional roller coaster. Last Friday my friend Adam, AKA: Zen Runner posted something on FB that I thought I'd never see. His wonderfully amazing son, Jacob decided to sadly take his own life. To say that it's affected me is an understatement. I didn't personally know Jacob. But I knew that he was an amazingly talented bass player, super intelligent, that he enjoyed learning martial arts, that he had a bright future and that he was incredibly loved by his family. 

   When I read the post I was speechless. Jacob was Adam's life. For those of you who don't know Adam, well, you're at a loss. I met Adam a while ago through the run-net community. He's a runner, a podcaster and one of the most sincere people I've ever known. He's one of those people who has the gift of gab and the mind of a genius. When you listen to him, you can't help but become infected with his enthusiasm. It's a fact that without him and other people in the run-net community supporting me last year I would've never reached my dream of running a sub four hour marathon. I can't imagine how devastated he must be. I wept for his loss.

   As a father this kind of news just scares the living shit out of me. Here was a young man who had everything going for him and a family that cared deeply for him. All the right things in all the right places. How could this happen? I couldn't help but obsess all week about my own son and his future choices. Am I doing enough? 

   As a law enforcement professional I'm well aware of how often people make this choice. Recently two of my friends at work decided to take their own lives all in a single year. Inmates in the jail that I work at regularly say they're going to kill themselves and sometimes do. Everyday I encounter and have to manage individuals with numerous mental health issues. This is the reality of law enforcement today. Look at the recent tragedies in my home town of West Webster, NY which occurred about a mile from my home and Sandy Hook Elementary. It's a reality for all of us.  

   As a young man beginning to get to know his father only to have him pass away when I was 16 I'm well acquainted with depression. It took about three years for me to move through that phase of my life. I missed a lot of school. Almost got kicked out of high school. Racked up a misdemeanor conviction. Slept most of the time. On more than one occasion I considered ending all the pain and despair. One night I almost managed to do that. But for some reason survived. I saw counselors. I healed. I crawled out of that pit and rediscovered who I was. It was the toughest thing I've ever done.

   I've thought about all of this all week long. I've been trying to support my friend. I continue to grieve for the loss of such a wonderful young man. I've hugged my little boy and snuggled him each day this week like it was our last. It's times like this that you realize that the regular garbage that you think is important really is insignificant. 

   Adam is the type of person who when he focuses his attention on something he moves mountains. Sadly he's become a subject matter expert on this topic. I think he may just move some big mountains now with regards to suicide. 

   This Saturday at 11:00 AM my friend's little boy, his beautiful son, Jacob Tinkoff will be honored at his high school. Everyone's wearing pajamas, his favorite. They're going to celebrate the amazing person that he was. I'm unfortunately unable to make the celebration. Some of us in the run-net community will be running in Jacob's honor on Saturday to show our support for Adam, to celebrate the incredible person Jacob was and to let the world know that suicide is a real issue that needs to finally be taken seriously and addressed in this country. I'll be wearing my favorite pajama bottoms for a half marathon this Saturday in honor of Jacob. As a runner I can think of no better way to honor someone I care about. So this Saturday please do me favor, love your loved ones, maybe go for a quick run in honor of this amazing young man, wear some pajamas, donate to twloha.com in memory of him. 

   This week my friends don't run for you life, run for Jacob...

   

Motivation....

   First and foremost let me just take a moment to wish all of you a Happy St. Patrick's day! One of my most favorite days of the year! Don't worry if you're not Irish like me because today, everyone's allowed to say they're Irish! The fireplace is kickin and the corn beef and cabbage is almost done! Gotta love it!

   I managed to log 36 miles this week. My cross-training has been progressing nicely too. I can feel myself getting stronger by the week. I'm actually starting to love dips and pull ups. Well, almost! The new running route by the new house with all of it's winding hills and regular incline training on the gym's treadmills has given me some really good staying power. So far the anterior ankle injury seems to be gone after incorporating some additional stretching into my post workout yoga routine. 

   Unfortunately my diet has been absolutely awful. I just can't seem to find the desire to eat better. Too much garbage food, too much alcohol, zero portion control. Starting tomorrow I'm going to try to drastically cut back on all that mess and focus on getting that side of my training back into line. If you think that you can run and then eat whatever you want, then you're wrong. It catches up with you! You are what you eat is a very true saying. 

   I finally did it today! My motivation has been lacking and I really needed something to focus on. Originally my wife and I were planning on running the Wineglass Marathon in Corning, NY this fall. It's rated a very fast Boston qualifier course. Not that I'm even close to being able to run a 3:15 marathon, yet. If you check out the elevation on the race's website the race is all down hill. The finisher's medal is made by the Corning Glass Works too and has been rated one of the top medals in the nation. But due to some travel logistics and lack of funds I've decided to put that race on the shelf for now. So, today I officially registered for the Flower City Half Marathon on April, 28th and the Rochester Marathon on September 2nd! Two races that I've run many times and know like the back of my hand. Together they cost what Wineglass would've and I can easily drive to the start line of both come race morning. 

   I'm really looking forward to both races this year. Last year I tirelessly trained to make my marathon goal pace become my easy pace. It was hard as hell to cut 45 seconds off my mile splits. But I did it and this year I've kept that effort level there for all of my running. It feels easier now so I'm going to try to cut another 15 seconds off that time. That means hopefully I'll be crossing that finish line with a 3:45 on the clock in September. I've done some experimenting and I think it's possible. But it'll be hard. This will also be the first marathon I'll run in the 40 year old age group. Ah, another chance to place in my age group!

   It's going to be a great year and it'll be good to go back to the race where I broke the four hour mark last year. As time's gone by I've been wondering if it was a fluke. Was it just a really good day? Did all that training really produce those results? I need to prove to myself this year that it wasn't a fluke and that I really am a sub four hour marathoner. If I can log a 3:45 this year then my friends it's time to shoot for IT. Yeah, that's right, BOSTON in 2015! After ten marathons I've proven to myself that I deserve to be called a distance runner. Only 0.01% of the nation has ever run and completed a marathon. I enjoy being in that group. But out of that group only 25% EVER log a BQ (Boston Qualifier). Boston represents the pinnacle of marathoning for me and every other marathoner.

   The corn beef is done and I'm starving. So it's goodbye for now. It's good to have goals. Without them you can stagnate and loose focus. It's good to have something to shoot for now. Run for your lives my friends!

Frustrated Incorporated & SAD...

   Well my friends it's been too long. My personal life has been quite busy for the past two weeks and the amount of free time that I felt I needed to write something of value just wasn't to be found. But tonight, I found some quality time in front of the old fireplace. So here goes...

   As I said before the dynamics of my home life have changed substantially. My wife has switched her shift at her new job to the 11:00 PM-8:30 AM platoon. Which means lots of changes in how we do the normal day to day activities, getting the little guy to school, dinner time, family time, work out time, etc. In addition to those typical activities, the amount of sleep that I'm able to get has decreased a little too. Which has made me most cranky indeed. 

   All this week that frustration has fueled my running to the extreme. I've not really paid much attention to my mile split times and have run mostly everything WAY too fast. Very satisfied with what I've been able to run this week. But when you dip into the well too much you pay a price. So yesterday I was planning on throttling back on the gas pedal. 

   Just when you think you're OK, life has a way of throwing a random hill in your way. A while ago I'd put in for vacation at my job for this Friday and Saturday. My wife had orchestrated an amazing opportunity to go with a biologist while he did some field work with local black bears in our area. We were even going to take the little man out of school for this incredible learning experience. But unfortunately the supervisors where I work look at individual people as cannon fodder and enjoy the idea of looking like a leader but rarely acting like one. I was notified yesterday with an hour and a half left in my shift that I wasn't going to be able to have the days off even though there were vacation slots available. Apparently me taking off would create a need for overtime. No amazing experiences for me or the little man. It's frustrating to be a very good employee at your job for almost 13 years who never asks for anything special and gets regularly abused. Well dad, you were right. Never should've gone into the family business. Rest assured that the little man won't follow in our footsteps. 

   Went to work today with completely the wrong attitude. I stewed all night long yesterday and ate really poorly. I was exhausted. If you happen to be one of the unfortunate fellow coworkers that I was an asshole to today, I apologize for being that way and acting so lazy. 

   Another thing that's worth mentioning is that it's been a long winter for me. As my friend Steve Runner mentioned in a recent podcast the effects of seasonal effective disorder or S.A.D. are real for those of us who live in this part of our country. If you're unfamiliar with what it is there is a lot of material on the web you can refer to. I'm no stranger to this problem. My wife typically gets this every winter. But this year our roles are reversed. I have seem to have come down with it. In a nutshell it's something that can affect an individual during the winter months when sunshine is lacking. It causes mild depression, anxiety, sleep loss and frustration. It's not something that's permanent thank God and has many available treatment techniques. Two techniques that I'm currently using are exposing myself to as much natural lighting as possible and continuing to exercise. Some of my coworkers would frown on me blogging about this. Weakness in my profession is not popular. But I think it's important to note that nobody is Superman, even distance runners like myself. If you suffer from S.A.D. go see your doctor, do some research and get moving. It helps and you're not alone.

   After a pretty awful day I decided to scrap my scheduled cross-training and easy three mile run. To hell with it! I was just going to go home and take a nap. But, as a pulled into my driveway the sun poked through the clouds. It was a brisk 35 degrees but it wasn't snowing, sleeting or blowing. OK, maybe an easy mile? 

   The run started out fine. But after the first mile it was apparent that my body had something special in mind for me today. I looked down at my Garmin and was surprised to see myself maintaining a faster than normal pace without much effort. That's when I decided to put the fatigue in a box along with the frustrations of the grind of my life and have some fun. A half marathon later I felt exhausted, drained and happy. Amazing that two hours of good effort can free you of your worries. 

   I'm beat and it's been a long day. Managed to get tomorrow off after some cajoling. Which is a good thing for an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day. Get out there and discover what running can do for you. Run for your life my friends and forget the frustrations....     

Oh, and yeah, at least someone got to hold a little black fluffy baby bear today!

    

Trail Running...

Hope everyone is doing well my friends! It was a really long week & my Friday is finally here! After all the dreariness of the winter weather here in upstate NY it was a breath of fresh air the last two days to have temperatures above 35 degrees.

Ran a decent step back run yesterday, about 7.2 miles. It was one of those amazing runs where you start out in a bad mood. But by the end are happy to still be able to be running & enjoying life! Very healing!

Today's run was short, only one mile. But the weather was even warmer in the mid fifties. I got home from work & grabbed the little man. He wanted to go running this year & today was the perfect day to get out there.

We headed out with sunshine in the sky. Felt really darn good! I decided that we'd hit the trail near our house a little bit. We started out & I must admit I was a little nervous. I'm ok with me playing chicken with some of the crazy drivers in my town. But my son's another story. We made it to the trail entrance after crossing under a bridge that has a very narrow two lane road underneath. Ry has even followed suit with me, we have dubbed it the "death bridge". Not enough room for two cars & a runner!

The run was incredible! One of those special father & son moments. We passed another runner with her dog. We stopped briefly & chatted her up. As we ran away Ry asked how I knew her. I explained that I didn't. Runners are just more friendly than regular people! Snapped this pic about halfway. Little man made us take some breaks. But we kicked butt! He even managed to keep pace with me through most of it!

Good times that I totally enjoyed! Looking forward to many more to come!

Run for your life my friends!

Help Me Find The True Meaning Of The 366 Project...

   Today I posted on FB that I've made a big decision and need help. When I started this project I originally began it as a way to challenge myself to do something new. I needed a new physical challenge. I needed to get back to my running roots. Find my "eye of the running tiger" if you will. 

   But soon after I started hitting the road day after day I began to think about how I could make this something even better than a simple personal challenge. I've decided that to put this much effort into something for personal reasons is quite selfish. Yes, I can motivate other people to get up off the couch and make something out of themselves that they thought not possible by continuing to run and write my blog. That is a good enough reason to continue the project. But I think I can do even more. I want to run 366 days for a worthwhile charity...

   I'd like to personally thank everyone for their suggestions today. But if you didn't message me and have a suggestion I'd love to hear it. This sport, this project can mean so much more.

   Help me find what that is and run for your lives my friends...

What's Eating You...

   I'm beat but I love my family time! Growing up an only child I was always thrilled when a holiday approached because that meant that my cousins were coming to visit. It was an amazing feeling to go from not having any brothers or sisters to being surrounded by family that was your own age, had your likes and dislikes, knew where you were coming from and just loved to get into good old trouble. As an individual you could get in a lot of trouble doing something that you weren't supposed to. But there's safety in numbers! I distinctly remember one Thanksgiving hanging from nylon rope tied to an upstairs bathroom sink's piping suspended over my grandmother's upper floor railing. Lots of fun! 

   After having off for a five day vacation to celebrate my son's eight year birthday I am thoroughly exhausted. His excitement over his four cousins visiting reminded me of my childhood. They came, they raised havoc and now they're gone! One of the things that makes me a great runner is my consistency. I train the same way, I get the same amount of sleep, I eat the same things, I drink the same things. As I've gotten older my ability to handle anything outside the typical equation has decreased even more. 

   So today I woke up feeling exhausted, dehydrated and feeling like Jabba the Hut. Too little sleep this vacation, coupled with drinking too much adult beverage, not enough water and eating delicious junk food and deserts took its toll. It never ceases to amaze me how much a poor diet can affect how I feel. I zombied through work and somehow managed to run a good marathon pace workout for 6 long miles. Albiet with numerous bathroom breaks. The stomach was revolting all day from all the bad food. I normally hate treadmills. But their proximity to bathrooms can be a lifesaver sometimes. 

   Got home took a hot shower, made some BLT's for dinner with turkey bacon and had some warm tea with Agave nectar next to a warm fire. I can feel everything starting to get back to normal. Sometimes being a boring runner is a good thing. The days of eating trash plates after drinking all night long are far, far gone.  God, I love trash plates! 

   Looking forward to some cross-training tomorrow after some strong Starbucks coffee. Hope you're enjoying your own version of boring and feeling much better than me. By the way, this is the time of year when most people get lazy and let their New Year's Day resolutions fall by the wayside. Tired of restarting? Stop quitting and just put one foot in front of the the other. You'll eventually get to where you want to,go. Run for your lives my friends...   

2 Months Down...

   Great run this morning in the bitter cold and light snow. But it was only a mile and really peaceful. Forgot to mark the passing of month number two on Ry's birthday! The project continues to move along my friends. Feel better than ever which is surprising since I ran 11 miles yesterday. I Think I'm getting the hang of this running thing.

   We now have a household full of little boys in preparation for Ry's birthday party at the museum later today. They're screaming at the top of their lungs playing in our basement. I smiled as I listen to them enjoy themselves. Life is full of small wonderful moments. Running every day is starting to give me more and more of that perspective. It's not always important to think about what's next and then next after that and next after that. Sometimes living in the here and now is just plain awesome. 

   62 days and counting. Ry's soon to be little cousin this morning 7:45 AM-"Ry, where's your dad going?" Ry-"Aw nowhere, he's a runner, he's just going for a run!" Wouldn't have it any other way. Run for your lives my friends and enjoy the little things...    

Good Day...

   Well good friends today was a good day! Had a really great day yesterday celebrating Ry's 8th birthday. We didn't do anything special. He wanted to go to to a local pizza restaurant. We ate our fill of pizza, wings and french fries. Came home and opened some presents! 

   Needless to say, I was feeling in need of a really good workout today to make up for all of those calories that I ate yesterday! The weather was cold, snowy and blowy outside and I didn't feel like experiencing it today.  So I pilled Ry into the truck and we drove to our local YMCA. He no longer had to sit in his booster seat. The end of an era...

   When we got to the Y he decided that he wanted to check out the tween center now that he was old enough to not be in regular child watch. This was a big step for him and me. Not going to child watch meant that he had free reign of the place. No supervision. As a parent and a member of the law enforcement community, I was really nervous about this. But after a long talk, he went off to check out the center. I stood there for a moment, looking at him through the window where he couldn't see me. My what a young man he was growing into. I gritted my teeth and headed upstairs to the treadmills. I trusted him.

   My workout was good. I normally hate running on the treadmill due to the sheer overwhelming boredom. But I enjoyed listening to some new running podcasts. They kept my attention away from the dull environment. Had to keep restarting the treadmill every 30 minutes to avoid getting kicked off by the "30 minute time limit on cardio-machines" enforcers. Starting this month I wanted to push my long run distance to a half marathon length. Instead of running ten today I increased it to 11. Good run but the entire time my mind was on how Ry was doing. 

   I stretched and raced downstairs to see if he had decided to run away yet. I was surprised to find him happily enjoying himself working out on the universal equipment in the center. He was happy to see me as I him. I was impressed when he told me that he rode one of the stationary bikes for a 100 calorie burn. I smiled, collected him and we chatted all the way home. Good day indeed! Run for your lives my friends and have a good day!

   

Why I Run...

   Eight years ago today my life changed. No more living for myself. On that day I watched my son's eyes open for the first time and I was overcome with the most emotion I'd ever experienced in my life. But, before I delve deeper into that amazing life changing moment I need to go back even further into my past. 

   This picture was taken the day that I graduated from my catholic grade school, St. Ambrose. In the picture you'll find a much heavier, younger me, my mom and my dad. It was a good day. My mom and dad got a divorce when I was three. But unlike some divorced couples, remained my "parents". What I mean by that is that unfortunately, sometimes children are dragged through the awfulness of marital divorce. My parents never used me as a tool to get back at one another, were always there for me when I need them and remained a united front when it came to all things concerning me. I can't thank them enough for that as I grew up. As I look at this picture it brings back so many good memories. It's one of my most favorite pictures of my family. I can still smell the flowers that were outside the church that night. Looking at it now, who would've thought that two years later my dad would be forever gone from my life. 

   On September 26, 1990 my dad lost his battle with lung cancer. It was the start of a very dark time in my life. It was bad enough to watch a vibrant man become a mere shell of himself over the course of nine months. But after he died I felt more loneliness than I thought possible. Along with feeling lost I was really angry too. I felt like I'd been cheated. My dad died right when I was starting to get to know him better. A time when I was trying to figure out the man that I was going to become. 

   Beyond my mother, nobody else knows about the letter that I discovered in my dad's desk when cleaning it out after his death. My dad was a police officer for 23 years. It was a classic "goodbye" letter that some in our profession choose to write to their children, spouses or family. My dad wasn't cut down by a murdering criminal. But at the time I remember not seeing much difference between a criminal and cancer. I read the letter, cried and then proceeded to rip it up into as many small pieces as I could. I was only 16. 

   Looking back I remember only snippets of the letter. "Take care of your mother. She's a good woman." "I'm sorry this happened son." "I don't know why this happened." "I love you son." My father was one of the smartest men I knew. But the reason his death happened is no big mystery. When you drink every night to erase the horrors you see daily at your job and smoke more than a pack of cigarettes a day, it's amazing he survived to be 45. 

   Luckily, for a son who followed in his father's footsteps, the field of law enforcement has made great strides in the education and treatment of job related stress. Needless to say, never smoked a day and don't use alcohol as an almighty eraser. 

   Let's flash forward again, or should I say back...er...I'm getting confused, to eight years ago.

   So, like I said those dang cute little eyes opened, looked up at me and WHAM, it was like I was born again! You want to experience joy, fear, terror and love all in a single event? Have a baby! Now I had one hell of a reason to make all the right choices in my life. 

   After managing to survive the dark depression that followed my dad's death I managed to put a healthy spin on it. I decided to get in shape when I started going to college. Back then I was more into weight lifting than running. But I can still remember my first runner's high after a three miler. Wish I could get that back after three miles! Finished college and with a little prodding from my girlfriend, who'd later become my wife, ran my first 5K road race. I finished in 25:21. Not bad for my first try. More races came, a marathon or two, a wedding and finally my son. 

   All of the sudden your time is not your own, your future is not your own and things you used to enjoy become history. After working so hard to get my fitness to where I had it when my son was born, I was a little scared of what would happen with him added into the equation. But if there's a will, there's a way!   

   Hands down, the best thing I ever got as a baby gift was my running stroller! My son was six weeks old when he ran for the first time with me! I can remember bundling him up so much before that run with winter clothing and blankets that you could barely see his little face! We rocked that stroller hard! I took him everywhere! We ran speed workouts, hill workouts, long distance, it didn't matter! If there was a road, we ran it! We even ran some races! Nothing is more satisfying than to pass a much fitter looking runner while pushing a running stroller! 

   It was a sad day when that stroller was retired. We used it up until he was about four. But, as he got older he liked to lean out and point at things which made the thing sway like a run away elephant. Just too dangerous on a busy road. We put it out on the side of the road next to our house. It was gone in 15 minutes! I'd taken very good care of it over the years. Lots of maintenance, lots of bells and whistles. I'd like to think another parent got some more good memories out of it like I did. I still miss those 20 milers with him. Damn, he will always be the best running partner I had. 

   Even though I was a full fledged runner now I still made time to cross-train with weights at my local YMCA. If you're interested in maintaining fitness and your sanity I highly recommend the Y. It's expensive but there's so many great family programs. They also have free two hour daycare while you exercise. They bottle feed, diaper change and were amazing with him. We're one of the longest standing families at ours. Every now and then someone will ask about how Ry's doing. So, we went all the time. We had it down to a science. He loved it and began to take an interest in running on the indoor track. Before I knew it we were going out every now and then for little runs together. I'm not sure if he liked the time with me or the running more. Either way, an unintended consequence of me maintaining my fitness was becoming a healthy role model for him.

   After a little convincing, he even ran the kids races before some of my races. Little bugger was getting faster by the minute. He even managed to take third in his age group and win a prize at one of those races! He was so embarrassed walking up to get his prize. But when your mom and dad are screaming at the top of their lungs at you, you can't help but cringe. Poor kid.

   Eight years old today and the story continues. By coincidence my son was born on the same day as my dad. Weird how things like that happen. But maybe it's no coincidence. I run for a lot of reasons. I run in honor of the father that I wish I could've gotten to know better. I run to have more than five years left in my lifetime. I run to make sure that the next time a bad guy tries to take me out that he's going to have to work at it and pay dearly for it. I run to be there for those I love in my life. I run to show people that a formerly obese child can become more athletic than they thought they ever could. I run because my body was designed to do this. But most of all, I run because Ry deserves to get to know his father and I deserve to get to know him. I want to be there for a lifetime. The ups, the downs, through the good times, through the bad. Hopefully someday he'll remember that old running stroller and all those incredible miles we ran together and maybe, just maybe, someday I'll look over as I toe the line on my whateverith marathon and see him next to me. Now that my friends is a good vision indeed! Happy birthday Ryan Matthew Sands! You inspire me to better than I was the day before, to never forget to have fun and to still enjoy the feeling of the wind whipping through my hair, my heart racing, my legs pumping. Love you...