Well, my friends it's been a while since I've posted here. This week has been an emotional roller coaster. Last Friday my friend Adam, AKA: Zen Runner posted something on FB that I thought I'd never see. His wonderfully amazing son, Jacob decided to sadly take his own life. To say that it's affected me is an understatement. I didn't personally know Jacob. But I knew that he was an amazingly talented bass player, super intelligent, that he enjoyed learning martial arts, that he had a bright future and that he was incredibly loved by his family.
When I read the post I was speechless. Jacob was Adam's life. For those of you who don't know Adam, well, you're at a loss. I met Adam a while ago through the run-net community. He's a runner, a podcaster and one of the most sincere people I've ever known. He's one of those people who has the gift of gab and the mind of a genius. When you listen to him, you can't help but become infected with his enthusiasm. It's a fact that without him and other people in the run-net community supporting me last year I would've never reached my dream of running a sub four hour marathon. I can't imagine how devastated he must be. I wept for his loss.
As a father this kind of news just scares the living shit out of me. Here was a young man who had everything going for him and a family that cared deeply for him. All the right things in all the right places. How could this happen? I couldn't help but obsess all week about my own son and his future choices. Am I doing enough?
As a law enforcement professional I'm well aware of how often people make this choice. Recently two of my friends at work decided to take their own lives all in a single year. Inmates in the jail that I work at regularly say they're going to kill themselves and sometimes do. Everyday I encounter and have to manage individuals with numerous mental health issues. This is the reality of law enforcement today. Look at the recent tragedies in my home town of West Webster, NY which occurred about a mile from my home and Sandy Hook Elementary. It's a reality for all of us.
As a young man beginning to get to know his father only to have him pass away when I was 16 I'm well acquainted with depression. It took about three years for me to move through that phase of my life. I missed a lot of school. Almost got kicked out of high school. Racked up a misdemeanor conviction. Slept most of the time. On more than one occasion I considered ending all the pain and despair. One night I almost managed to do that. But for some reason survived. I saw counselors. I healed. I crawled out of that pit and rediscovered who I was. It was the toughest thing I've ever done.
I've thought about all of this all week long. I've been trying to support my friend. I continue to grieve for the loss of such a wonderful young man. I've hugged my little boy and snuggled him each day this week like it was our last. It's times like this that you realize that the regular garbage that you think is important really is insignificant.
Adam is the type of person who when he focuses his attention on something he moves mountains. Sadly he's become a subject matter expert on this topic. I think he may just move some big mountains now with regards to suicide.
This Saturday at 11:00 AM my friend's little boy, his beautiful son, Jacob Tinkoff will be honored at his high school. Everyone's wearing pajamas, his favorite. They're going to celebrate the amazing person that he was. I'm unfortunately unable to make the celebration. Some of us in the run-net community will be running in Jacob's honor on Saturday to show our support for Adam, to celebrate the incredible person Jacob was and to let the world know that suicide is a real issue that needs to finally be taken seriously and addressed in this country. I'll be wearing my favorite pajama bottoms for a half marathon this Saturday in honor of Jacob. As a runner I can think of no better way to honor someone I care about. So this Saturday please do me favor, love your loved ones, maybe go for a quick run in honor of this amazing young man, wear some pajamas, donate to twloha.com in memory of him.
This week my friends don't run for you life, run for Jacob...
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