Hello friends. It's been awhile since I've written anything here. Much has changed since then. I guess change is inevitable. No matter how you try to stop it, change always marches forward. With it comes new challenges. The last five weeks have been difficult for me. I think that the following quote sums up what I'm feeling today:
"In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer."-A. Camus
As I've mentioned here many times before, taking up the mantle of distance running is akin to being reborn. It's not a conscious choice that anyone makes the first time they lace up their shoes and head out. But, over time the way you eat, exercise, interact with others and look at the world begin to revolve around running. Along with all of those positive self changes that are being made, other people begin to relate to you differently as well. You become the "in-house" expert on everything running related, you become a role model for your kids, at work your old name is forever forgotten and replaced with quirky nicknames like jogger, running man and the Flash. Your closet has as much running clothing as casual, you own more shoes than anyone thought possible, you get tattoos related to running, you get the shit scared out of you when you accidentally stumble into your medal rack on the way to the bathroom at 2AM.
After running for so long I have integrated it into every aspect of my life. It is who I am, how I define myself and how others now see me. It's become my biggest strength, but also my biggest weakness. I've done so well at it and taken such good care of myself that I've run at least a marathon every year for the last eight years. Sure, I've had my fair share of aches, pains and niggles. But I was always able to overcome, endure and triumph. Summertime was marathon training time and during the Fall, it was go time for racing.
So, you can imagine my disappointment, fear and even shame when I made the decision to stop training for this year's Rochester Marathon two weeks ago due to the unbearable pain in my right ankle. To say that I've been a difficult person to be near lately is an understatement. I've never felt so lost. The pain wasn't going away, the excessive fatigue was getting worse and the running log that I've kept for the last 11 years was quickly filling up with gigantic zeros. I couldn't stand anymore running nicknames, all the running related posts on facebook or the nice running weather. All I felt like doing was locking myself up and throwing away the key.
After the sleepless nights spent doing research on google and the following "worst case scenario" panic subsided, I finally relented and did the smart thing. I listened to my loved ones and made an appointment with my doctor. I wasn't going to easily triumph over this injury like the other times. I needed solid information, not guesswork. I needed to do something positive and focus on salvaging the rest of the year and getting better. I cut my mileage back to just a single mile for a day, began a dedicated tendon stretching program, started doing my own tendon re-hab exercises, downed gallons of tart cherry juice and foam rolled the tendon's trigger point with reckless abandon. I was tired of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself. It was time to beat this!
The doctor took a look at my foot, no swelling, no excessive stabbing pain when he prodded and poked. I got an x-ray and a blood test. The good news was that it wasn't broken and there weren't any signs of a stress fracture. The blood tests were normal. Whew! My initial self diagnosis of peroneal tendonitis was confirmed. The information that I was able to find on the web ran the gamut from tendon pain lasting only a week to more than a year. I went to see my podiatrist as well. Same diagnosis.
The podiatrist and I came up with some theories about how this injury happened. Every now and then a running veteran can make simple mistakes. I made one of those when I consistently ran mileage in a pair of shoes that were way past their prime. I typically wear old running shoes when I cross-train with weights, I don't need the support because my legs aren't pounding away on the open road. But afterwards, I typically change into my good running shoes to get some miles in. Well, I got lazy and thought to myself that I was doing a good thing by saving 24 extra miles a week by logging miles in the old pair instead of taking the time to swap them out. I also tried something new this year by doing my speed work on local high school tracks. I ran only in one direction and didn't heed the common, sensible practice of alternating my direction every other mile. Lesson learned, these mistakes cost me my marathon this year. Stupid things that should and could've been avoided.
I didn't want to ask the podiatrist the question, but I knew that I had to. "Could I still run?" I held my breath as he broke the news to me. Was this the end of the 366 Project? Not by a long shot! Apparently, veteran runners can sometimes make good choices too. The podiatrist said that usually when patients come to see him for this injury they're in severe pain and can't run at all. By cutting my mileage back early on, stretching and doing my own re-hab exercises I had already jump started the recovery process. The podiatrist taped up my foot and ordered me to keep it that way for four days. I could continue to run on it. After four days I was ordered to begin his re-hab exercises. My plan was to gradually add a mile to each of my daily runs every week. Which would put me back at 6 miles a day by August. Almost back to my normal mileage.
I tired my damndest to wrap the tape up the next morning to protect it in the shower. But, no good, it got wet and came off. So, I did the next best thing and used an elastic ankle wrap that attached with velcro. I worked wearing it, I ran wearing it and I sat around home wearing it. I tried to baby the ankle as much as possible and avoided stretching it at all. I came to really hate that thing by the end of the fourth day. It cut off circulation to portions of my ankle like crazy!
The wrap came off today. Weird walking around without it on after work. Had a great cross-training session with weights and then headed over to the treadmills to get some miles in. Man, when I got up on that thing I was nervous as hell! Did it heal? Is that stabbing pain still going to be there every right footfall? I started out with a slow warm-up mile. Felt pretty damn good. I bumped up the speed to a sub nine minute pace, my normal easy training pace that I was running before the injury, it was time to test the ankle out. Just like that two miles came and went without any pain, just a few little twinges to let me know that it's still there and not quite healed yet. To experience that full workout, that pace again, left me speechless. People started looking at me funny because I had the biggest, sweatiest grin from ear to ear. I was getting my passion back, my stress relief, my sanity!
As I write this the ankle continues to feel amazingly good. Things are looking up. Depending how the next few weeks go I'm entertaining maybe trying to run the Empire-State Marathon on October 20th. Or something else that's entirely crazy. What about running my own marathon, no assistance (other than my family and friends), no water stops, no mile markers on the very last day of the 366 Project, December 31st? I'm not sure if either is possible yet. But, it's good to have something to strive for.
Funny how here at the halfway point, 183 days of running over 770 miles that I continue to learn new things about myself, about what I'm capable of, of what I can't do and what I can accomplish. Maybe not running a marathon this year is a good thing? More time to spend with loved ones, no pressure to get the training in, running for the sake of just running. Sometimes it's good to hit the re-set button. I'm injured, I'm recovering, I'm learning how to make myself stronger so that it doesn't happen again.
What have I learned from this costly lesson. Listen to what your body tells you, heed the advice of seasoned runners and coaches, wear adequate gear and NEVER give up fighting. When you become a runner your life revolves around running. That's ok. Just remember that like with running there will be fast days in your life, there will be PR's some days, there will be days when all you want to do is stay in bed when that early alarm goes off, there will be slow uphills during your days, there will be screaming fast downhills during your days, you will win some, you will lose some, some days will bring you to your knees, some days will give you the most incredible runner's high, some days will be frustrating, some days you will nail it, but the race is longer than a 5K, a half-marathon, a marathon or an ultra, it's a race that will take you your lifetime to complete. When it's all said and done, when your time is running short, your last lap is approaching and you can see the finish line off in the distance, it won't be the PR's, the medals or the incredible races that you ran that will matter. What will matter will be the times in between, the memories of the simple days of when you found out who you were, what you could do, the days when you inspired people in your life to be better than they thought, the days when your children ran laughing next to you, the days you ran through the relentless sun, the pouring rain, the howling snow, the days when you looked into the eyes of fear and did not go quietly into that gentle night, you raged and you earned that right to be called a runner. The 366 Project is not dead, the blogs will continue, the running will continue, the video podcast will return! Run for your lives my friends and thank you for all the support. I am halfway and humbled...
After the sleepless nights spent doing research on google and the following "worst case scenario" panic subsided, I finally relented and did the smart thing. I listened to my loved ones and made an appointment with my doctor. I wasn't going to easily triumph over this injury like the other times. I needed solid information, not guesswork. I needed to do something positive and focus on salvaging the rest of the year and getting better. I cut my mileage back to just a single mile for a day, began a dedicated tendon stretching program, started doing my own tendon re-hab exercises, downed gallons of tart cherry juice and foam rolled the tendon's trigger point with reckless abandon. I was tired of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself. It was time to beat this!
The doctor took a look at my foot, no swelling, no excessive stabbing pain when he prodded and poked. I got an x-ray and a blood test. The good news was that it wasn't broken and there weren't any signs of a stress fracture. The blood tests were normal. Whew! My initial self diagnosis of peroneal tendonitis was confirmed. The information that I was able to find on the web ran the gamut from tendon pain lasting only a week to more than a year. I went to see my podiatrist as well. Same diagnosis.
The podiatrist and I came up with some theories about how this injury happened. Every now and then a running veteran can make simple mistakes. I made one of those when I consistently ran mileage in a pair of shoes that were way past their prime. I typically wear old running shoes when I cross-train with weights, I don't need the support because my legs aren't pounding away on the open road. But afterwards, I typically change into my good running shoes to get some miles in. Well, I got lazy and thought to myself that I was doing a good thing by saving 24 extra miles a week by logging miles in the old pair instead of taking the time to swap them out. I also tried something new this year by doing my speed work on local high school tracks. I ran only in one direction and didn't heed the common, sensible practice of alternating my direction every other mile. Lesson learned, these mistakes cost me my marathon this year. Stupid things that should and could've been avoided.
I didn't want to ask the podiatrist the question, but I knew that I had to. "Could I still run?" I held my breath as he broke the news to me. Was this the end of the 366 Project? Not by a long shot! Apparently, veteran runners can sometimes make good choices too. The podiatrist said that usually when patients come to see him for this injury they're in severe pain and can't run at all. By cutting my mileage back early on, stretching and doing my own re-hab exercises I had already jump started the recovery process. The podiatrist taped up my foot and ordered me to keep it that way for four days. I could continue to run on it. After four days I was ordered to begin his re-hab exercises. My plan was to gradually add a mile to each of my daily runs every week. Which would put me back at 6 miles a day by August. Almost back to my normal mileage.
I tired my damndest to wrap the tape up the next morning to protect it in the shower. But, no good, it got wet and came off. So, I did the next best thing and used an elastic ankle wrap that attached with velcro. I worked wearing it, I ran wearing it and I sat around home wearing it. I tried to baby the ankle as much as possible and avoided stretching it at all. I came to really hate that thing by the end of the fourth day. It cut off circulation to portions of my ankle like crazy!
The wrap came off today. Weird walking around without it on after work. Had a great cross-training session with weights and then headed over to the treadmills to get some miles in. Man, when I got up on that thing I was nervous as hell! Did it heal? Is that stabbing pain still going to be there every right footfall? I started out with a slow warm-up mile. Felt pretty damn good. I bumped up the speed to a sub nine minute pace, my normal easy training pace that I was running before the injury, it was time to test the ankle out. Just like that two miles came and went without any pain, just a few little twinges to let me know that it's still there and not quite healed yet. To experience that full workout, that pace again, left me speechless. People started looking at me funny because I had the biggest, sweatiest grin from ear to ear. I was getting my passion back, my stress relief, my sanity!
As I write this the ankle continues to feel amazingly good. Things are looking up. Depending how the next few weeks go I'm entertaining maybe trying to run the Empire-State Marathon on October 20th. Or something else that's entirely crazy. What about running my own marathon, no assistance (other than my family and friends), no water stops, no mile markers on the very last day of the 366 Project, December 31st? I'm not sure if either is possible yet. But, it's good to have something to strive for.
Funny how here at the halfway point, 183 days of running over 770 miles that I continue to learn new things about myself, about what I'm capable of, of what I can't do and what I can accomplish. Maybe not running a marathon this year is a good thing? More time to spend with loved ones, no pressure to get the training in, running for the sake of just running. Sometimes it's good to hit the re-set button. I'm injured, I'm recovering, I'm learning how to make myself stronger so that it doesn't happen again.
What have I learned from this costly lesson. Listen to what your body tells you, heed the advice of seasoned runners and coaches, wear adequate gear and NEVER give up fighting. When you become a runner your life revolves around running. That's ok. Just remember that like with running there will be fast days in your life, there will be PR's some days, there will be days when all you want to do is stay in bed when that early alarm goes off, there will be slow uphills during your days, there will be screaming fast downhills during your days, you will win some, you will lose some, some days will bring you to your knees, some days will give you the most incredible runner's high, some days will be frustrating, some days you will nail it, but the race is longer than a 5K, a half-marathon, a marathon or an ultra, it's a race that will take you your lifetime to complete. When it's all said and done, when your time is running short, your last lap is approaching and you can see the finish line off in the distance, it won't be the PR's, the medals or the incredible races that you ran that will matter. What will matter will be the times in between, the memories of the simple days of when you found out who you were, what you could do, the days when you inspired people in your life to be better than they thought, the days when your children ran laughing next to you, the days you ran through the relentless sun, the pouring rain, the howling snow, the days when you looked into the eyes of fear and did not go quietly into that gentle night, you raged and you earned that right to be called a runner. The 366 Project is not dead, the blogs will continue, the running will continue, the video podcast will return! Run for your lives my friends and thank you for all the support. I am halfway and humbled...
Found the blog thanks to Coach Jeff's podcasts. Inspiring post (especially that last bit). Keep fighting! You will make the 366 and your marathon this year. "Runner" (and all those other nicknames) are titles that are not given, they are EARNED! Peace!
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