The Next 40 Years...

   Well, well, well... Looks like it's going to be the end of an era! My birthday's tomorrow and as much as I try to deny it, the big clock is going to flip to that big 40! Geeish! I can still remember thinking as little boy how old 40 seemed. Apparently, it's not as old as I once thought. Funny, how inside I still feel so young. But, when I stare into that mirror in the morning I can't help but notice the wrinkles around my eyes, the salt and pepper of my hair and the shadows under my eyes. 

   It's been an interesting life. Looking back, I don't really think that I would change too much. Growing up in a broken family with divorced parents netted me a lot of one-on-one time with my mom and dad. Not to mention, all the great times experiencing twice the fun at every holiday! Besides, without that arrangement I would've never gotten to know my grandparents as well as I did. Good people!

   I started out as a thin kid. But, after my mom left my dad, we moved in for a time with my grandparents. Grandma loved noting more than to cook for her grandson. I learned to love food and love to eat. I quickly went from thin to obese. Nothing teaches you humility as a child like being constantly made fun of and picked on. Typically kids were cruel beyond belief. But, every now and then someone who show their true colors and act like a human being. Being picked on made me strong. But, it also made me appreciate the friends in my life who didn't care what I looked like. They were my friends, because they liked me for who I was. 

   Life went on. Grade school neared it's end and I prepared for high school. My life turned upside down as we learned that my father was diagnosed with lung and brain cancer. In a short nine months my life changed forever. Nothing sealed my introversion better than this event. I closed myself down and waded through my father's death. Looking back, I'm amazed that I got through it without successfully killing myself, avoiding drug addiction and even managed to graduate on time with a high school diploma. My father's quiet, determined struggle through his battle taught me that nothing comes easy, that only through hard work can you achieve success. I got a part-time job and worked hard to prove that I was worth every small penny they paid me. 

   My mother, god bless her soul, had enough common sense to invest my inheritance.  Even though I didn't have my father by my side, he provided for me. I was able to pull myself out of depression. Attend a community then state college. I went to school and worked full-time at my once part-time job. Good things come to those who work hard. The company just couldn't let me go. His death motivated me to begin a quest to follow in the family business of public service through law enforcement. I had health insurance, good clothes and reliable, new cars to get me from point A to B. He gave me an advantage that few people my age had. 

   I left home to begin a career as a police officer in another state far away. I learned quickly that home was where my heart was. Without my family and friends around me, I was nothing. I resigned my position and questioned everything in my life. Strange how what seemed like such a huge failure at one time, now is just a memory of a life that wasn't ever going to be me. 

   I came back home. Went back to work with the old part/full-time job with the familiar faces and soaked up the support of those who mattered most to me. Worked a brief stint in the commercial legal field as a paralegal. But, the call of the family business was too strong. I went back to school part-time. I realized the value of education. I got through the courses one slow class at a time. I even managed to graduate with a 3.9 GPA, earning my spot in the National Criminal Justice Honor Society. I met my future wife. 

   The next few years happened quickly. After taking every civil service exam I could get my hands on, I got the call from the sheriff's office. It was a call that I didn't expect. I wanted to work on the road patrol, not inside the jail. But, as time went on the girlfriend became my wife, I learned to do my job well and before I knew it, the little man was born. Surprisingly  working inside wasn't all that bad after all. As I struggled to find the father that I wanted to become, I was attacked one night at work and almost lost my life. Over the course of two and a half weeks I again contemplated leaving the world of law enforcement. But, I'm like a Timex, I just keep on tickin! I went back to work. I joined the SRT team, our SWAT team. I was never going to underestimate anyone ever again. I got the prestigious FTO, field training officer certification and learned that I enjoyed teaching more than anything I'd ever done for the office. 

   My son got older. I began to seriously get into long-distance running. Running far, running a lot and running marathons became who I was, what I was. The great idea of going back to the 3-11 PM shift to save money on baby sitting became the wedge between my wife and me. We eventually prepared for divorce. But, we were adamant that it wasn't going to be an ugly affair. Nothing good comes from something like that, and our son was the one perfect thing that we made. We weren't going to damage him because of our differences. I was awestruck. It hit me hard. We sold our first home, went our separate ways and I thought about the future.  But, we somehow managed to get back together. We moved in together in an apartment with my sister-in-law. A truly beautiful, intelligent and sweet girl. But, I just couldn't live with her. I struggled through a bout of alcoholism. I got skin cancer from being a dumb ass and running without a shirt or sunscreen for too long. I got it hacked out. Life felt like it was in limbo. 

   My poor sister-in-law was done with my nonsense and anyways, she wanted to start a life of her own. So, we moved again and bought our second home. Much smaller, much more affordable and way easier to take care of. Things began to move forward. Look better. Then, my wife was fired from her job. The clinic that she worked for was run by truly evil people. This all happened two weeks before our house closing and the holidays. The next four months were pretty much hell. I worked a lot of OT just to survive. Lots of stress. 

   Then finally, my wife landed the job of her dreams working for the federal government. Things started to improve. We began to catch up on all the credit that we lived on for so long. We still are and will be for a long while. But, hey it's only money, and there's more to life than just that. Sometimes stress can be a good fuel. I threw myself into my training. I became a machine. I became something that I thought I never could. I lost 25 pounds and was fast as hell. After 11 years I broke the four hour mark in the marathon. I was terrified that I could do something so powerful, amazed that my willpower could be harnessed to that extreme and basked in the glory of a much sought after personal goal. 

   The new year brought a new challenge, the 366 Project. Crazy idea I know. But, it's taught me many valuable things. I got my peroneal tendon injury and doubted that it was something that I could finish. But, I carried on. Got through the injury. Only to be sidelined by a debilitating cough. A chest x-ray revealed a node on my lung. Cancer reared it's ugly head and I stared blankly back. 

   Yesterday, I finally met with my doctor and the news was good. Apparently the scheduling problems with the follow up CT scan was due to a worthless 22 year old secretary who didn't care that I was at home pondering my very possibly short life. She no longer works at my doctors office thank God! I finally have clearance and can now schedule the CT scan. Get some concrete answers. 

   I'm on vacation this week. My wife threw me an amazing surprise birthday party. I'm not planning on going anywhere. Just catching up on some home improvement stuff. Found out that I'm going to be given my chance at PT, physical fitness, instructor school. Just gotta pass a physical test. The Rochester Marathon was scrapped and now I'm looking forward to finishing the Empire State Marathon. It's not going to be a sub four hour triumph and may be painful. But, it'll be my marathon.

   Saw the chiropractor today about the nagging hamstring strain. Apparently it's quite serious and he's advised me to start taking anti-inflammatories, ice it like crazy and take a few days off. I'm probably not going to do that last part. Not giving up just yet. 

   We got a new puppy! Our 13 year old beagle won't be around for much longer and when we saw this big guy we fell in love. My wife's friend works with kennels around the country to help them find homes for pets. Walter was in kennel in Georgia. He's part black lab and pointer. About one years old and full of more energy than he knows what to do with. Really sad that his former owners used him as bait to train their fighting dogs. We're going to do our best to make sure he gets the kind of life her deserves. Took him out for a two mile trail run today to test his legs. Damn, he made it look easy while I sweated my ass off! He did just awesome but I tired him out after just over a mile. He came home and about collapsed on the sofa. But, only for about an hour. Then it was right back to hyper spaz mode! 

   My life hasn't been perfect. But, as I look to the future, the next forty years, I would like to think that they'll be even better. One more day closer to finishing the 366 Project, one more age group closer to a Boston qualifying time and one more year to enjoy what life has to offer! 

   Thanks for spending the last day of my thirties with me my friends! 

Run for your lives... 

   

     

   

366 Podcast-Episode 11 "Walter The Running Wonder Dog"

366 Podcast-Episode 11 "Walter the Wonder Dog!"

Hey, all! In this episode I introduce you to my new running partner & best four-legged friend, Walter the Wonder Dog! Took him out for the first time today to test his legs. He lasted only a mile. But, we limped through another one. For a grand total of two. Boy, did he make it look easy!

Run for your lives my friends & have a great night!

366 Podcast-Episode10 "Finally Some Good News!"

366 Podcast-Episode10 "Finally Some Good News!"

Frankly, I can't believe that there's been 10 of these video podcasts! I enjoy writing in my blog more than I thought I ever would and the videos are even more enjoyable. In this episode I talk about some good stuff for a change and me moving to another facet of my career. 

Scary, Scary Stuff...

   

   Howdy everybody! Hope everyone is doing great and enjoying their summer. It's been absolutely fabulous running weather here in upstate NY.  Compared to last summer's sweltering heat and oppressive humidity, this summer has seen cooler temperatures and slightly lower humidity levels. 

   After struggling for the last couple of months with my peroneal tendon injury, it was really awesome to hit triple digits again for my total miles run for the month of July. I had to scrap running the Rochester, NY marathon mid September. Which was really a bummer because I've run it for the past seven consecutive years. But, sometimes change is a good thing. I'm now registered to run the Empire State Marathon in Syracuse, NY mid October. I've never run this race before and am excited as hell to get my feet wet on the course. Bringing the whole family overnight and we're going to treat it like a mini vacation. Can't wait!

   My training isn't going as well as I would've hoped. After having lower left back pain for two years I resigned myself that it was going to be there for the rest of my life. But, after a suggestion from a fellow runner I checked out a local Chiropractor who's also happens to be a triathlete. He specializes in trigger point therapy. I've heard so many negative things about this field that I wrote them off as quacks. Apparently all those negative comments were made by people who didn't have a freaking clue about what it involves. With three visits and $60 later my lower back pain is completely gone! I'm amazed  that I waited this long to give it a try. My wife has even started seeing him! The dude's awesome! 

   So, the lower back pain is gone. But, now I've managed to severely strain my right hamstring somehow. No matter what I do, how I stretch, I can't get it to relax. It's made speed work and running in general painful and tight. I'm hoping that he can get it to release at next week's appointment. If not, then Empire is going to be long, tight and painful. Even not accounting for the strain, my speed just isn't what it was last year. A sub four hour marathon most likely isn't going to happen. I'm ok with that though. I'll be happy to just run a marathon and complete the 366 Project in one piece. I'm happy with the type of runner that I am today. There's always next year to shoot for Boston!

   After working for the sheriff's department for over 13 years I've finally gotten up the courage to try out for a PT (physical training) instructor position. I've held back all this time for stupid reasons. The department always gives the agility test this time of year when I'm typically deep into my marathon training. I just didn't want to sacrifice my race training. No super serious training this year! So, no excuses! I'm known far and wide through the department as the running guy and I'm afraid of not living up to that expectation. On August 29th I'll be turning the big 40. So, hoping that they'll hold the test after that I'll have to complete 26 push-ups in a minute, 36 sit-ups in a minute and run a mile and a half in 11:58 for my age group. Two weeks ago I did a mock test and passed easily. With a little rest and luck come test day I can smash it.It's time I used my love of running to help me professionally! Screw everyone's expectation. I'll still be the running guy regardless if I fail. Everyone keep your fingers crossed! 

   The visit with my primary doctor for my nagging bronchitis and cough went alright. He prescribed a stronger oral steroid in addition to a steroid inhaler. The oral steroid screwed me up for a week. But, I finished the dose. The steroid inhaler made me loose my voice. So, I stopped using it. I need my voice! The cough is improving. But, really slowly. My doctor thinks that I've suddenly contracted asthma and sleep apnea. Nothing's changed recently with my environment and I'm not obese. So, I'm doubtful about either diagnosis. But, we're still exploring things. 

   So, as some of you've noticed, they're haven't been many blog posts lately. I alluded to this in my last video podcast. And, even typing tonight's blog I'm avoiding it too by jabbering on about all of the above stuff. I'm a weird guy. I'm a private person. But, through my blog, podcast and other social media I've come to love writing, videoing and speaking about me, my life and my love of running. I thought long about whether or not to talk about what's going on now. My family, friends and co-workers read and watch what I put out there. But, I think that I owe it to the very small group of you interested in my life. Why on Earth does anyone other than my dog read these? I'll never know. I think that my life's so boring. There I go again avoiding the topic...

   First and foremost I'd like to personally thank the friends who I've confided in about this as well as all of you who I've never had the pleasure of yet meeting but are following the recent absence who've reached out to see if I'm ok. All of you know who you are. To think that any of you would give a damn about me enough to support me as you have makes me just shake my head in awe. I'm honored by your thoughts, prayers and comments. 

   As I've said before, my father's death from lung and brain cancer when I was a teenager devastated me and changed my life forever. For the last 24 years I've devoted myself to being as healthy as I can be. I don't smoke or do drugs. I enjoy a cold beer sometimes and sip wine in front of my fireplace on occasion. But, have avoided the alcoholism of my father's generation. I run and cross-train like it's my second job. I've got my issues with food from being obese as a child. But, I mastered that beast many years ago and typically eat healthy. I'm not perfect. But, I don't think that I could live too much better than I do now. 

   So, you could imagine my shock when my doctor's ordered chest x-ray revealed that I have a 9mm node or spot on one of my lungs. Out of the many things I've thought I would maybe hear in my lifetime, that news was not one on the list. In fact, it's one of my worst fears. 24 years ago I vowed to not leave my family, future wife and children alone at 45 years old as my father did to my family and me. The irony of getting these results three weeks before my 40th birthday is not lost on me. 

   So, what's next? After talking for a long time with my doctor, he assured me that cancer wasn't the first thing that came to his mind when he saw these results. He told me that it's most likely a past infection. Apparently when the lungs fight an infection they sometimes wall off the infected cells to suffocate them and kill them. He thinks that this node is just that. But, he wants me to go for a CT scan to further examine the area. With my father's history and the fact that I grew up with two parents who smoked, hence second hand smoke, he wants to be over cautious. If you smoke around your family, stop please. With the node's size it's about 74% non-cancerous. Good odds, but not the kind I'd like to bet my life on. 

   The past two weeks have been, as you can imagine, stressful. My doctor is currently still in the process of clearing the CT scan through my insurance and getting it scheduled. I hate fucking waiting. Some days I'm good. Some days are bad. I'm doing what I do when I'm stressed, a million things all day long until I collapse into bed trying to leave the least amount of time free to worry. But, no matter how much I try to avoid it, it's still there in the back of my head. Nothing like life slapping you in the face on some random Tuesday to make you analyze your life's work.

   Funny how you look at things a little differently when faced with scary stuff. Sunrises are a little more beautiful, the colors a little more vibrant, you relish longer hugs with your spouse and you burn into your memory how your children's head smells as you kiss them goodnight. I've always been somebody who's struggled with slowing down and enjoying the good things in life. Probably not anymore. So many good things every day if you just see them with your already open eyes. 

   This blog about this 366 day Project is many things. It's meant to be an inspiration to those who are lost, who think that they can never do the things that they want to do. It's a way for me to connect with my fellow runners in a way that only we can understand. Our running hopes, dreams and fears. It's a way for me to look back and read about the hard runs and remember the good ones too. It's a tool to help me become a better writer, podcaster and runner. It's a way for me to meet new and interesting people. 

   I've had a lot of time to ponder the meaning of a lot of things in my life. The best thing about this blog, the main reason I started it in the first place, is to leave something for my son. My dad left at a time in my life when I had so many questions, needed advice and was searching for the man that I am today. Even today I wish I could just have a single hour with him longer. I would talk his damn ears off! What I would give for that hour. I'm jumping the gun a little bit, but a big secret about the Project is that come New Year's Day 2014 the running may stop, but you have my word that the story will not. The blog, the podcast will continue. I'm going to have to name it something else though, 366 Project + 1, Running With Mark, Mark Doesn't Shut Up. Going to have to work on that! 

  

  Ryan, you are my past, my present, my future, always my greatest creation. Know this, during your life you'll have great runs, bad runs, you'll run into trouble, out of it too, sometimes you'll know the road, sometimes you'll get lost, sometimes it'll be better to stay on the path, sometimes it'll be even better to stray for a while, sometimes you'll have long runs, sometimes you'll just have quick jaunts, sometimes people will try to dictate where you run, but only run the way that you want to, when the runs are hard, be easy on yourself, when they come easily, enjoy every second, try new routes, but cherish the old ones, listen to the older runners, they'll give you good advice that you won't learn until you're old and it's too late, listen to the advice of the younger runners and bathe in their eagerness, their energy, their enthusiasm, sometimes you'll run with friends, sometimes you'll run alone, most of all though, when the wind, rain and snow are pounding against you, when lightning is coming down on either side, when all you see are hills, and more hills in the distance, when you're exhausted, empty, can't run another step, put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Not all races are won with speed son. Just like that cold April morning when I took you for your first run at 6 weeks old in that old running stroller, I will always be your running partner. 

   It's been a long day my friends. I'm exhausted. This was a tough one to put into words. The future may get a little tougher still. Hopefully the CT scan will be scheduled soon and I'll know more. Regardless, I'm not fucking done with my race until I say I'm done. They'll be no DNF (Did Not Finish) here! The marathon is called a race. But, it's far from one. It's a war with yourself, to see how much punishment you can take. I've run 10 of them. I know punishment and I am not afraid. Bring it...

   Thank you for taking some of your precious time to read my blogs, watch my videos. It's an honor to write, tape and run for you. Run for your lives my friends...                   

366 Podcast-Episode 9 "The Hojack Trail"

Hey everybody! Today I give you a view of the trail that inspired me to get into trail running! Welcome to the Hojack Trail!

366 Podcast-Episode 8 "Two Pieces Of Good Advice"

Finally here's the last video from my long run today. Got caught in a thunderstorm & had to dodge lightning all the way home. Not fun! Here's I give you two, yes two pieces of really great running advice! Enjoy & run for your lives!

366 Podcast-Episode 7 "Not Everyone From NY Is A City-Slicker"

Here I am again folks! More video from my 14 mile run today. I talk about how not everyone in NY state is a city slicker! Run for your lives...

366 Podcast-Episode 6 "Hidden Treasures"

Hello friends. The podcast has been on hiatus as of late. So, here's one from my 14 mile run today. I talk about seeing things from a runner's perspective. Run for your life...